***Hottie Mcdogwalker Update****

In case you missed it, (look back to the last post) I left HMDW his favorite muffin on his doorstep with a note that said "Trick or Treat?" and then in a brown paper bag, it said "Treat!' with a note that basically said this treat wasn't just for Halloween, but because it was his birthday week (and his last week of his 20's) that I was challenging him to get outside his comfort zone and every day either do something he's always wanted to do or something that he doesn't want to do in his 30's. I signed it with "The next 2-4 years are going to blow your mind... Expect to get super clear on what you want and become the best version of yourself. - Looking forward to reports and revelations - Jenna"

I get a response "The muffin is fueling me right now miss. Thank you for the nice surprise and challenge. *smile emoticon* Will report back!!!!"

I responded...."Excellent. I had a feeling it would come in handy. OMG i just spent 5 hours putting together my halloween costume. I'm Joan from mad men. (He probably has no idea who that is cause he doesn't really watch TV.)

The next day, I sent him a picture. "Haha! I had so much fun last night as Joan. Looking forward to your birthday reports!"

"Oh damn! Look at you! The 5 hours turned out really well, miss! Thank you again for the muffin. I do love me a blueberry cornbread muffin. *smile emoticon* Enjoy your weekend and I will do my best to do the challenges over this week leading up to the day." He said.

"Awe well thank you! I love playing dress up. And you are so welcome! All I want in this little life is to be thoughtful and good to people because it makes me feel like a million bucks! Thanks for appreciating it. It's the end of an era for you...A perfect time to move out the building. (The building feels different without your presence.) Go break in a stallion and explore 1,000 acres and keep me posted" - I said, referring to the 1k acre property he just leased and the stallion he just bought.

This part confuses me (perhaps you can decipher it)

"Correct you can be a millionaire if you choose. *wink emoticon* Perfect time indeed. Feels good! Exploring and breaking has commenced!!!"

That was on Saturday. Tonight I went to the restaurant downstairs to get dinner and the bartender keeps me informed on everything happening. She said she saw him with the girl from my floor (the one I thought he had sex with) out to dinner with him and they were making out.

Is he sewing wild oats like I asked? Or are they starting up something? Or is he trying to get some nookie before he moves out. Either way, hearing about it made me feel totally grossed out.

I hate that girl. When I moved into this building in July, Picasso was having a hard time meeting new dogs because he was trying to protect me. She tried to teach me some things (that obviously HMDW had taught her) by introducing him to her puppy. She's obviously not a dog trainer and Picasso snapped at her dog.

She said "Have you ever considered getting that thing a muzzle." I never talked to her again really....The last thing I had heard about her was she was in an open relationship with her boyfriend of 5 years, she was hanging out with HMDW a lot this summer while he had a girlfriend and according to him and the letter nothing ever happened. But she had professed her love for him. His response "You know that this isn't what this is." (According to him to me over breakfast this summer)

But yet they were making out at the restaurant downstairs... he's single now. Whatever. I think she is such a terrible person that this gives me so much insight to who is, that really makes me think less of him. She is one of those super high maintenance women that doesn't get along with other girls...

In any case, I found out the new dog walker is not single. My 6x a week of having something fun to look forward to is over. Since I really shouldn't be dating yet given me only being 86 days into sobriety, that fantasy was fulfilling me and fueling me to write like I've never done before, and now I'm like "Now what!?"

The only answer is sitting with these feelings of loneliness...hugging them because they're a part of me, and focusing on fulfilling myself from the inside out without the crutch of muses.

But it was such a fun break / distraction from work and now it's just me.

Just me and Picasso without a crush in the world.


Just kidding... I just like to be over dramatic sometimes.

In any case, I just deleted his number and all of his texts.. It's time to really not contact him, if he contacts me fine...but I will just keep deleting them. I gotta keep space in my life for something new or he'll just be this thing lingering in my life....like a mismatched sock without a partner.