I finally admitted HMDW that I have been writing about him secretly to over 1,000 people. I wrote a really in-depth analysis asked him if he wanted to read my analysis... He said "I would love to actually..." I'm curious how y'all will think he'll react..... Here goes nothing!

Dearest HMDW (name replaced to protect the innocent),

So I’m writing to you because I have a confession to make. I have been writing about you, secretly, to a private Facebook audience of about one thousand people for the past three months. Your suspicions were correct! I am so sorry I didn’t tell you when you asked, a few months ago, but I wasn’t ready for you to find out because I didn’t want to influence your behaviors.

You have been under the pseudonym “Hottie McDogwalker! My audience LOVES you and this story I’ve been writing about our interactions, amongst the other interactions I’ve had on my Ikea dates.

They’re chomping at the bit for every entry that I write, begging me to write a book, saying this is going to turn into a movie, and all I am doing is just documenting things that happen, strategies that I’ve put into play, and how I feel about everything.

Yes, you have been an experiment, in a way, and a very fun one. Yes this is why I have been trying to go on dates with you, in addition to just wanting to get to know you better.

Whether our connection as friends is of the romantic sense, I don’t really know yet, because we haven’t really spent enough time together to know? I can say this with certainty, I am attracted to you, I definitely feel connected to you, and am very happy that you came into my life.

I’m not exactly sure what is going on your side of things. You’ve had a girlfriend most of this time I’ve known you, and I have this belief if a guy is really into a girl, he’ll make a move. You haven’t really even hinted at one, so I’m sort of thinking that you think of me as just a friend. It’s hard to say since you’ve been tied up with someone else.

I also think that I’m probably not the typical girl you’ve dated, (short, curvy, really excitable, totally quirky) and part of the experiment was seeing if I could get your attention. I am single for the first time in 4 years, and some of this is can I set my eyes on something and make it happen: A lesson in manifestation and self-worth.

In my state of celibacy, recovery and life changes, being around you is inspiring me to write more ---and learn more about myself. I’ve also learned some things about you that might not work for me, but I’ve learned a lot of things about what I want in a partner.

Anyway, I’m telling you this now because I think you would get a kick out of hearing that you have been the center of my writing adventures. Will you ever get to see it? Maybe at some point, don’t really know if I’m ready to share quite yet…

The Beginning

When I moved in here, I used to see you often in the elevator and in the halls. You have this sort of distinct swagger about you. You embody this sort of “zen” energy that I feel is really calming and wonderful to be around. That was actually what peaked my interest initially.

You are obviously very good looking, but honestly I will say that is probably the thing I like least about you. If anything your good looks are a bit of a hindrance for me. It’s sort of novelty that you are handsome, but I just want you to know some things that I’ve seen in you that are noteworthy well beyond your looks.

Here’s what I learned to like about you so far:

1. Working with you in dog training has been amazing, and I have really seen you shine through your life’s purpose. You are totally part k-9! Your down to earth vibes and calm demeanor just makes you pleasure to work with and it’s so clear how connected with the animals you are. You are also incredibly professional. It’s quite amazing to see actually. Picasso is becoming a well-rounded dog being a part of your program, and I’m becoming a well-rounded human because of your influence in that part of my life.

2. You have a way of making people feel important. Your attention seems to focus into seeing, encouraging and supporting people wherever they are at. It’s a really lovely quality and something that I hope you don’t ever change or lose. I feel like when we talk sometimes that you see me, the way I see myself and that is a wonderful thing! To be seen and heard. To me that is the definition of “love” – and you really do embody this. You are walking definition “love.” It seems like you genuinely love people, and they genuinely love you. That’s why women fall all over you, and you have such strong friendships. You’re a genuinely nice person. I totally try to live my life this way, and it’s nice to see someone who does the same thing.

3. You have a part of you that’s a Pandora’s box -- a lone wolf, (secrecy is a big Scorpio trait) a part of you that is super compelling to try to figure out, but also something that it’s nice that you keep just for yourself. It’s the part of you that is the hardest to get to, and the girl you end up with will likely have cracked that code, and you’ll be in, and they’ll be in, without reservations. How wonderful for you to be deeply connected to others, but have a sense of self that is just for you.

4. Your level of maturity and responsibility and passion for what you do is really sexy. You have a tendency to do good things and do them well. Learning how to create a job for yourself where you employ your friends is commendable. I see you entrepreneurial spirit and your big thinking, and your passion and I think – Yep, I want to be with someone who has that!

5. You seem to be genuinely happy most of the time. Except for when you are working too much and not taking care of yourself. I adore that you don’t talk negatively about anyone, and you are always looking at positives. I think you are one of the least judgmental people I’ve ever met.

6. You’re multi-passionate, with appreciation for good design, family, art, and nature. Your rustic, nature influenced, down-home aesthetic, appreciation and love for your family, your fashion sense, your art, your love of nature…. I bet you listen to country music and you don’t even feel the slightest bit ashamed of it. 

7. You aren’t afraid to be exactly who you are. Enough said.

8. You are a big thinker and a deep thinker – I have such a hard time finding people to connect with me on the deep levels of conversation. Even the guy I almost married could not do these things. You seem to be okay with expressing feelings, emotions and experiences in a totally transparent way. You know you could do anything you put your mind to, and in this way I feel like you and I are totally kindred spirits! This thing alone makes me want to be around you all the time.

9. You always take my suggestions and put them into action – I love this so much. I give you suggestions on things and you listen and it makes me feel like you respect and admire me, and think that I have great ideas, and for that I think you are really smart!

Some things that might NOT work for me or other women:

1. You might be too good looking. I have seen women drool all over you, and be crazy territorial over you. I have heard the stories from you of the women with the insecurities. If I was in your shoes, I’d be like a kid in a candy store, and having as much candy as possible. So I don’t blame you at all, with the millions of sex requests you get on an annual basis. Haha! You are a guy, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I would say for the vast majority of women that might be tough. It makes sense why you have gone for model types, so the drooling over them by others would be more of an equal playing ground?

2. You might be poly or okay with cheating? So did you have sex with the girl who lives on our floor, while you had a girlfriend? Or were you in an open relationship? I’m very curious about this.

3. You might hurt people, and not mean to. Women fall all over you, and you love having friends. Women cross that line with you often, with hopes of more, and you enjoy the attention, but sometimes you just wish they could be friends and that’s it. So they might get a bit upset about that. (This is all purely speculation, not personal experience)

4. You might not be ready for something serious - You just got out of a 8 month relationship, but it seems like you have this pattern of dating women who have similar insecurity issues or won’t be on the same page as you when you are all in. Even more than this, you said the one you almost got engaged to, was the only one that you never wanted to look at anyone else. I think that you’ll be ready when you can take on a certain amount of real vulnerability. You can find someone who makes mistakes with you, and you want to work through them with that person, instead of without much deliberation. (I am actually guilty of this too for having SUPER high standards)

Now keep in mind here, I don’t really “know” you that well. Some of these things are observations and maybe some are assumptions and I’m sure there are a million levels to you, faults included, that I don’t know. But this is what I have observed over my last 3 months of knowing you. I would love to hear what is true or not true here, to you. I hope that you learned something about yourself through this, on how an outside perspective views you! I know I learned a TON about what I want in a partner.

In any case, I have really enjoyed the influence you have had on my life. No matter what, I absolutely adore being your friend more than anything. But after you get through some alone time and recovering from your last relationship. I hope that we can actually go on a real date. (I need more to write about!) And I think we have some things to learn from each other.

Hugs,
Jenna

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