Omg. Omg. Omg. Omg. You're going to LOVE this!
Today I had breakfast with HMDW. But before I jump into that epic breakfast experience, let me rewind a bit.
I ran into him outside late last night in front of the building "Thinkin' and drinkin'" in his spot by the bike racks. It's so funny, I'll be walking my dog and BAM, I find him by himself, sitting against the building in a nook and he does this often, and every time it's a lovely surprise.
We started to get into a pretty good conversation about his break up even though we had morning plans to have breakfast and talk the next day.... He mentioned something about how the relationship ended was from some of the same issues that had come up from relationships before. We talked about "fear of intimacy" and being a "common denominator" as this pattern has now happened a few times.
It set a great way to segway right into deep stuff at breakfast. I am so elated about the conversation, I start to think about "Do I want to go on a real date with this guy?" and if so... I might need to work up the courage to ask him. I mean, yes we have breakfast plans, but is that a date? or is it a friend thing? Most likely a friend thing, with flirtatious undertones. We're sizing each other up to see if want to go on a real date.
As I'm going to bed, I again think, I want some sort of answer... I had great luck with the tarot cards last time, so why not give those a whorl again. The question to the sky was "Should I ask this guy on a date?"
The card I got "Awakening"
The definition says "Look at things from a different perspective. A temporary standstill. It's important to be yourself."
"It's time to review your plans, and look at things from a new perspective. Ask yourself: Is it possible that a different approach will work better? Although it may feel like events have come to a standstill, this is temporary. So make use of the extra time you have been given to rethink your strategies.
You may need to step outside the norm and mainstream right now and embrace your unique and eclectic beliefs and attitudes. It's also a good moment to be generous with your time, attention and gifts.
Additional meanings of the card: Epiphanies. Selflessness. Unexpected life changes. The power that lies in being oneself. Unusual solutions.
Archangel Gabriel is the angel who helps people become the Devine messengers of love. When you speak, think, and act, come from a place of love, others are irresistibly drawn to you."
Well holy fricking geeze balls, that totally answered my question. See here where this card is totally resonating with me, is that I have been afraid to ask him out on a real date....for a number of reasons. Well, first it hasn't been appropriate till now, our relationship has been nothing but a good friendship since he's had a girlfriend. Second, I have a personal issue with girls asking guys out on dates.
I find women asking men out to be sort of desperate feeling. I have read "The Rules" -- My bigger issue (and I explained this to him at breakfast is this.)
"You know how men absolutely rather stick a hot poker in their eye, than hurt a girl? Well... I wouldn't want a guy to say yes to a date with me, out of fear that they would hurt my feelings if they said "no."
After reading that card, I made the decision, I need to ask him out. I need to find out if this is even a possibility. The idea of "Do you want to go on a date with me..." feels SOOOOO yucky. Like asking someone to prom, or something.
So I had the epiphany, thought exactly about how I wanted things to go. I was going to go into the date, being my most honest truthful and selfless self, by listening to what is happening with him and asking him some amazing questions that are going to give me insight to his experiences, and character, and based on the vibe of what is happening, I will then take the plunge and ask him on a date.
I woke up 2 hours early at 6am to take a shower so that my hair wouldn't be wet for the date. I went back to bed and woke up with good curls.
I wore the below outfit, for our 8am date. I felt good. Ready to conquer this fear I have of asking someone out, but mostly just to spend some quality time with him. Now here's the great thing that I have realized about him, and probably the thing I like about him the most. Is he's a really good listener, he's super smart, and inquisitive and insightful. I feel very comfortable telling him anything and I feel like he does the same for me.
Breakfast was amazing. The conversation flowed beautifully and I found out all the ways that his other relationships had fallen apart. I also found out his point of view on women asking men out.
He said in maybe a few more words "When a woman asks a guy out (like the last two girls he dated) it shows a certain level of confidence and assurance in herself that is a huge turn on.." Ok green light here for later in the breakfast for me to grow some balls and ask him out.
But then he goes on to explain that these two girls were approaching him for sex! And we both discovered through talking this out, while it seemed that it was just a sex thing, that the girls were indeed trying to get into a relationship through sex first....and we both decided that's an assbackwards way of going about it.
So he was explaining if the intentions were proper instead of for sex, he would think that is way better. (I can't say I didn't for a moment in the past 3 months of celibacy, hadn't thought of that exact same thing with him...he is hot, and he lives on the same floor, and that can be a very easy to get close to someone quickly.)
But me being my 34 year old self, knows WAY better than to start things off with sex. That to me is like having dessert before appetizers. It can ruin a meal.
We then get into his other relationships failed because of their insecurities. And how it's an instant turn off to him.... or not being on the same page.
After an hour and ten minutes of lovely ever flowing conversation, where we were sharing and relating, I told him some things I had witnessed about his behavior that I could tell that he felt so understood, that it was sort of blowing his mind to been seen and heard, from just the small time that I have known him.
So as he was taking our dishes to the bussing bucket, I had the courage to finally ask him out. I said "I don't know when you'll be ready for this, given your recent breakup and all, but I was wondering if you would be interested in building some Ikea furniture with me?"
And we both giggled for a few minutes because we both know what that means.
He said "I would love to build some furniture for you, that sounds fun." and then I said "Don't worry I won't blog about it."
And he said "But I want you to!"