That moment when you wake up and realize that you can have Paleo pumpkin pie and holiday stumptown coffee, while it's cold outside, is the best feeling in the world. I had a 7am friend date with Hottie McDogwalker, with nothing but wonderful conversation and absolutely no desire to be with him....I told him so many funny stories he laughed so hard he cried, and that's when I realized that I am hilarious -- and he gave me dating advice on how to train men like dogs!!!!! ----and that somehow this all going to turn into a ROMCOM at some point, he asked me who would play me, and I said Emma Stone or Drew Barrymore, (he seemed to think that was perfectly fitting.) He would definitely be played by Johnny Depp.
***Hottie Mcdogwalker Update****
In case you missed it, (look back to the last post) I left HMDW his favorite muffin on his doorstep with a note that said "Trick or Treat?" and then in a brown paper bag, it said "Treat!' with a note that basically said this treat wasn't just for Halloween, but because it was his birthday week (and his last week of his 20's) that I was challenging him to get outside his comfort zone and every day either do something he's always wanted to do or something that he doesn't want to do in his 30's. I signed it with "The next 2-4 years are going to blow your mind... Expect to get super clear on what you want and become the best version of yourself. - Looking forward to reports and revelations - Jenna"
I get a response "The muffin is fueling me right now miss. Thank you for the nice surprise and challenge. *smile emoticon* Will report back!!!!"
I responded...."Excellent. I had a feeling it would come in handy. OMG i just spent 5 hours putting together my halloween costume. I'm Joan from mad men. (He probably has no idea who that is cause he doesn't really watch TV.)
The next day, I sent him a picture. "Haha! I had so much fun last night as Joan. Looking forward to your birthday reports!"
"Oh damn! Look at you! The 5 hours turned out really well, miss! Thank you again for the muffin. I do love me a blueberry cornbread muffin. *smile emoticon* Enjoy your weekend and I will do my best to do the challenges over this week leading up to the day." He said.
"Awe well thank you! I love playing dress up. And you are so welcome! All I want in this little life is to be thoughtful and good to people because it makes me feel like a million bucks! Thanks for appreciating it. It's the end of an era for you...A perfect time to move out the building. (The building feels different without your presence.) Go break in a stallion and explore 1,000 acres and keep me posted" - I said, referring to the 1k acre property he just leased and the stallion he just bought.
This part confuses me (perhaps you can decipher it)
"Correct you can be a millionaire if you choose. *wink emoticon* Perfect time indeed. Feels good! Exploring and breaking has commenced!!!"
That was on Saturday. Tonight I went to the restaurant downstairs to get dinner and the bartender keeps me informed on everything happening. She said she saw him with the girl from my floor (the one I thought he had sex with) out to dinner with him and they were making out.
Is he sewing wild oats like I asked? Or are they starting up something? Or is he trying to get some nookie before he moves out. Either way, hearing about it made me feel totally grossed out.
I hate that girl. When I moved into this building in July, Picasso was having a hard time meeting new dogs because he was trying to protect me. She tried to teach me some things (that obviously HMDW had taught her) by introducing him to her puppy. She's obviously not a dog trainer and Picasso snapped at her dog.
She said "Have you ever considered getting that thing a muzzle." I never talked to her again really....The last thing I had heard about her was she was in an open relationship with her boyfriend of 5 years, she was hanging out with HMDW a lot this summer while he had a girlfriend and according to him and the letter nothing ever happened. But she had professed her love for him. His response "You know that this isn't what this is." (According to him to me over breakfast this summer)
But yet they were making out at the restaurant downstairs... he's single now. Whatever. I think she is such a terrible person that this gives me so much insight to who is, that really makes me think less of him. She is one of those super high maintenance women that doesn't get along with other girls...
In any case, I found out the new dog walker is not single. My 6x a week of having something fun to look forward to is over. Since I really shouldn't be dating yet given me only being 86 days into sobriety, that fantasy was fulfilling me and fueling me to write like I've never done before, and now I'm like "Now what!?"
The only answer is sitting with these feelings of loneliness...hugging them because they're a part of me, and focusing on fulfilling myself from the inside out without the crutch of muses.
But it was such a fun break / distraction from work and now it's just me.
Just me and Picasso without a crush in the world.
Just kidding... I just like to be over dramatic sometimes.
In any case, I just deleted his number and all of his texts.. It's time to really not contact him, if he contacts me fine...but I will just keep deleting them. I gotta keep space in my life for something new or he'll just be this thing lingering in my life....like a mismatched sock without a partner.
***To Hottie McDogwalker***
It's his birthday week, and he's moving out today. So I left a bag on his doorstep (he lives down the hall) with his favorite muffin from Sweedeedee.
So we had a fantastic conversation today. He thinks this entire project Hottie McD Project is brilliant and has loved all of it. Even the part reading the reviews of women siding with me. He didn't take offense to it one bit, and loved the insight of being able to look into the opposite sex's mind. HMDW response about how it made some people feel uncomfortable "I don't know them... they don't know me... who cares? Keep doing what you are doing and what fascinates you...because it's working, you're going to get everything you want in this life!" We had a great conversation about meditation and crushes and women loving romantic fantasies.
The sad news is, as you may or may not know he is moving out the building to a place about 45 minutes away. He has an employee that lives here in the building that will be taking over starting Friday. So no more random run-ins, and no more pick up and drop offs. He did say he wants to meet up soon for coffee or dinner. So the friendship continues.. The GREAT news is, his employee is unbelievable HOT himself, I had a run in with him the other day and he was fun / flirty to talk with........and now starts Hottie McDogwalker PART DEUX.
The DOGWALKER HAS WRITTEN BACK, I REPEAT, HOTTIEMCDEE HAS WRITTEN BACK!
For those of you just tuning in. I have had a crush on my dogwalker for 3 months. I wrote him a love letter / analysis of everything I learned about him, and he responded to each paragraph! WHAT GUY DOES THAT? He's a gem.... I think you ladies will love this.
Here you go miss..Let your readers know I say, sorry for the delay! *wink emoticon*
Jenna: I’m not exactly sure what is going on your side of things. You’ve had a girlfriend most of this time I’ve known you, and I have this belief if a guy is really into a girl, he’ll make a move. You haven’t really even hinted at one, so I’m sort of thinking that you think of me as just a friend. It’s hard to say since you’ve been tied up with someone else.
Dogwalker: At the moment to be honest, I am all business. Lots to do and I am pumped to spend the majority of my time and energy on that growth and expansion. No serious relationships or buddings in the current forecast for me darlin.
Jenna: I also think that I’m probably not the typical girl you’ve dated, (short, curvy, really excitable, totally quirky) and part of the experiment was seeing if I could get your attention. I am single for the first time in 4 years, and some of this is can I set my eyes on something and make it happen: A lesson in manifestation and self-worth. In my state of celibacy, recovery and life changes, being around you is inspiring me to write more ---and learn more about myself. I’ve also learned some things about you that might not work for me, but I’ve learned a lot of things about what I want in a partner.
Dogwalker: I love you just the way you are and no, you are not the typical girl I have dated in some aspects, but in my eyes, the typical girls I have dated have not worked out to date, so no biggie wink emoticon I will be changing it up in the future that is for sure! As for your manifestation / self-worth...I believe you will find that you can and will get everything that you ask for my lady! Trust me! In my eyes it is an ignorant thought to think as a human with all of our capacities to think that we do not create absolutely everything in our lives.
Jenna: Working with you in dog training has been amazing, and I have really seen you shine through your life’s purpose. You are totally part k-9! Your down to earth vibes and calm demeanor just makes you pleasure to work with and it’s so clear how connected with the animals you are. You are also incredibly professional. It’s quite amazing to see actually. Picasso is becoming a well-rounded dog being a part of your program, and I’m becoming a well-rounded human because of your influence in that part of my life.
Dogwalker: It has been my joy over the years to work with so many people and K9's alike. I feel like I am truly cheating the system by doing something I lvd to do, that does not feel like a job and also that is enough to supply me with enough financial support to live the simple yet full life I have always desired.
Jenna: You have a way of making people feel important. Your attention seems to focus into seeing, encouraging and supporting people wherever they are at. It’s a really lovely quality and something that I hope you don’t ever change or lose. I feel like when we talk sometimes that you see me, the way I see myself and that is a wonderful thing! To be seen and heard. To me that is the definition of “love” – and you really do embody this. You are walking definition “love.” It seems like you genuinely love people, and they genuinely love you. That’s why women fall all over you, and you have such strong friendships. You’re a genuinely nice person. I totally try to live my life this way, and it’s nice to see someone who does the same thing.
Dogwalker: You seeing this is interesting and surprising to me because I feel like you are probably one of the very few people who see this in me. This is how I see myself, how I feel inside when I am interacting with others and all that I wish for for others. Others come first in my eyes, they always have. I want nothing but for each individual on this planet to seek the highest for themselves, not let anything stand in there way, be humble and confident in their goals, ambitions and to lend others support along the way as well. I feel that this can sometimes be what gets me into some pickles. Walking around loving people in that way, looking the way I do, having the drive that I do and for the most part being down for whatever and choosing to say yes most of the time can add up to some broken hearts. I am working on how I can change that last part though. I owe meditation, constantly being self-refelctive and my mother and sister for this quality of being present and seeing people in each moment. damn it can get intense though. Being on-point all the time....whoa. I would not have it any other way though I have to say.
Jenna: You have a part of you that’s a Pandora’s box -- a lone wolf, (secrecy is a big Scorpio trait) a part of you that is super compelling to try to figure out, but also something that it’s nice that you keep just for yourself. It’s the part of you that is the hardest to get to, and the girl you end up with will likely have cracked that code, and you’ll be in, and they’ll be in, without reservations. How wonderful for you to be deeply connected to others, but have a sense of self that is just for you.
Dogwalker: I have honestly not figured this one out as of yet. You are absolutely correct about the lone wolf bit and keeping a part to myself. I have not quit determined whether giving myself wholly to another individual is going to happen. To a degree I feel like I gave myself to myself. I spent a lot of time alone while others spent time with others. I feel to a degree I gave myself my all and I trust myself fully as opposed to someone else. But at the same time, I feel like the love you described that I walk around with above is also a way that I trust and give myself to each moment, each person and each interaction. In a way I date everyone. I may "hide" stuff in some peoples eyes, but to a degree I suppose I just do not offer up nor dump my stuff out onto everyone. I process it inside and if I need to express something or need help, I ask for it with no qualms. I feel a lot of people just talk and dump their emotions and stuff onto others, almost talking to themselves through others, hearing them themselves talk for validation or security. There are definitely people who bottle things up as well for sure, but I feel as though I am an open book if asked a question on any given topic. But referencing Pandora's box, I realize I can be a bit intense at times for sure, being in the moment can be that way. Being so present in the moment can be hard for a lot of people. Making eye contact for a long time can be difficult for some. being quiet can be difficult for some. I am comfortable with that silence, the moment, the unknown of what someone is thinking and not speaking. aaaaaannnnyways....moving on wink emoticon
Jenna: Your level of maturity and responsibility and passion for what you do is really sexy. You have a tendency to do good things and do them well. Learning how to create a job for yourself where you employ your friends is commendable. I see you entrepreneurial spirit and your big thinking, and your passion and I think – Yep, I want to be with someone who has that!
Dogwalker: Growing up it was silently and softly pounded into my sister and I's heads to follow our hearts, ask ourselves why we want this or that to make sure we ACTUALLY wanted it, or if it was just societies influence. We were urged and supported to seek the highest first, to not try and own or capture the pastures themselves individually, but to capture the fort that owns them all, to always do what makes us truly happy (not the fleeting happiness accompanied by drugs, flings, the senses etc.) To know that, by knowing which, everything is known. Our own selves to the core, inside out, good and bad, strong and weak, lovable and hate-able (that is a word right?smile emoticon Always, always, always, do what makes us happy, screw the rest. We are not here to waste our limited time, energy and life. Plus, why would one subject themselves to something that is not enjoyable? The funny thing is, is that after you do that for a long time, all of life truly becomes what you want. ALL OF IT! The good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty. Then there is no difference between what makes you happy and what does not, it just kind of flows. moving on...
Jenna: You seem to be genuinely happy most of the time. Except for when you are working too much and not taking care of yourself. I adore that you don’t talk negatively about anyone, and you are always looking at positives. I think you are one of the least judgmental people I’ve ever met.
Dogwalker: Thank you. I am not super good with compliments, assuming that is a compliment wink emoticon I have not ever realize that I do not talk negatively about anyone. I have not ever noticed. People have mentioned it, but again, I have not ever noticed. I notice when others do, that is for sure. I am ok with that wink emoticon All people in my eyes are intrinsically good. They/we just learn to be not so good. Then again, is there good or bad in the world? If so, without the one can there be the other? I truly believe everything works out for the best, good and bad. This is life, without one, there would not be the other. Without rain, there is no rainbows for fuck sake!
Jenna: You’re multi-passionate, with appreciation for good design, family, art, and nature. Your rustic, nature influenced, down-home aesthetic, appreciation and love for your family, your fashion sense, your art, your love of nature… I'm so proud of you for getting back to your roots, and living off the land!. I bet you listen to country music and you don’t even feel the slightest bit ashamed of it.
Dogwalker: Why the heck would I be ashamed to listen to country music?!?!?!?! I do it everyday for pete sake! I have always liked good design...I suppose, then again, what I may think is good design others may not. I guess it is a matter or preference. I am pretty selfish with the things I do and pursue, going back to doing what makes me happy. My art for example, I thought it would be cool to make bullet casings into an american flag cause it represents so many different aspects of the US and I shoot a quite a bit each year. So I did it and apparently others think it is cool as well.
Jenna: You aren’t afraid to be exactly who you are. Enough said.
Dogwalker: nuff said
Jenna: You are a big thinker and a deep thinker – I have such a hard time finding people to connect with me on the deep levels of conversation. Even the guy I almost married could not do these things. You seem to be okay with expressing feelings, emotions and experiences in a totally transparent way. You know you could do anything you put your mind to, and in this way I feel like you and I are totally kindred spirits! This thing alone makes me want to be around you all the time.
Dogwalker: I generally choose to put my attention on the deeper and finer things/levels in life. I feel those are the things that are most overlooked and hold the greatest insights and power. Also, thinking BIG or outside the box is something I get from my mother and her father. They are and have always been massively big and out of the box and plain middle ground.
Jenna: You always take my suggestions and put them into action – I love this so much. I give you suggestions on things and you listen and it makes me feel like you respect and admire me, and think that I have great ideas, and for that I think you are really smart!
Dogwalker: Why would I not pay attention to the things that are presented to me on a daily basis. To me that is the mindset of someone who is closed off and most likely stagnant in their own happiness. I like to take everything that is before me to heart and ponder whether or not it jives with my current state of mind or can help me with pushing through anything I am having difficulty with. I appreciate all of your suggestions and insights both to date and in this analysis of hottie mcdogwalker wink emoticon I am not so sure I am smart, maybe just aware. Depends on your definition of smart I suppose wink emoticon
Jenna: You might be too good looking. I have seen women drool all over you, and be crazy territorial over you. I have heard the stories from you of the women with the insecurities. If I was in your shoes, I’d be like a kid in a candy store, and having as much candy as possible. So I don’t blame you at all, with the millions of sex requests you get on an annual basis. Haha! You are a guy, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I would say for the vast majority of women that might be tough. It makes sense why you have gone for model types, so the drooling over them by others would be more of an equal playing ground?
Dogwalker: Model types? Haha. I don't consider myself having gone for model types at all actually. From my standpoint I feel I have gone for the more midwest, homegrown kind of girls. Not really redneck or farm girls per se, but def homegrown and frumpy / ok with being dirty kind of girls. (dirty as in literal dirty, not in the sexual sense wink emoticon Again, I am not sure of the hot thing, I do not consider myself hot. I do not look in the mirror and think that, I just walk through life as who I am, innocently in my opinion and when the opportunities in regards to woman present themselves, I do my best to be clear headed whilst entering or engaging with them because I am usually abreast of their intentions. While I enjoy sex, it is NOT a top priority of mine. It is but a drop in the ocean that makes up a relationship and therefore, jumping at all of the woman who come across my path is not high on my list of things to do. Also, along with this too good looking comment, it does not make weeding out the trueness of a girls heart easy. A lot of time I feel looked at as a possession or to a degree a piece of meat and to your comment, the territorialness (made this word up as well) that ensures is not very fun because I usually peace out which sucks for both parties involved.
Jenna: You might be poly or okay with cheating? So did you have sex with the girl on my floor, while you had a girlfriend? Or were you in an open relationship? I’m very curious about this.
Dogwalker: I did not have sex with her, no and no ma'am, we were not in an open relationship. She was in one, I was not. As for cheating, I have done it in the past and I am not ok with it. That being said, I have done it. It is a tough thing to engage in, but in my experience, it usually stems from a lack of fulfillment in either myself or the relationship that I am in and therefore I seek that fulfillment elsewhere. Each time I have either cheated or even spent time with a female friend more than 3-4 times in a week, it usually is a signal that there is something up in my relationship unfortunately. All in all though, I do not wish to cheat in the future, but rather to be both fulfilled in my own skin and relationship in order to not allow those circumstances to arise or to squash them immediately if they do.
Jenna: You might hurt people, and not mean to. Women fall all over you, and you love having friends. Women cross that line with you often, with hopes of more, and you enjoy the attention, but sometimes you just wish they could be friends and that’s it. So they might get a bit upset about that. (This is all purely speculation, not personal experience)
Dogwalker: I would not say that woman cross that line often, but they have the openness or would prefer to and I sense and read that. This is and has been a tough one because all I want to do is be neutral, see people for who they are while not digging any desire talons or intentions into them. just a neutral, balanced and symbiotic relationship. Most of the time this gets jumbled by a desire to indulge either in more time or physically which to a degree is simply natural. The more time you spend with another person, the more you naturally start to open up, become comfortable and begin to trust and enjoy the other person. The trick is, how can one maintain themselves, while functioning in this world and not being swayed or pulled by the pangs of all of its awesomeness, but rather boldly, selflessly and humbly observe and appreciate it all like watching the sun rise or set which you cannot take or possess (minus taking a goddamn photo or video of it these days wink emoticon
Jenna: You might not be ready for something serious - You just got out of a 8 month relationship, but it seems like you have this pattern of dating women who have similar insecurity issues or won’t be on the same page as you when you are all in. Even more than this, you said the one you almost got engaged to, was the only one that you never wanted to look at anyone else. I think that you’ll be ready when you can take on a certain amount of real vulnerability. You can find someone who makes mistakes with you, and you want to work through them with that person, instead of without much deliberation. I totally love that you have high standards for yourself though.
Dogwalker: I know in my heart that I will either find someone to walk alongside and enjoy this beautiful planet and experience that we call life with or that I won't and along the way still experience a plethora of individuals with whom I share the same thing with, just not one in particular. I am not opposed to either really. Whatever happens or I choose to create I will do so for myself. I firmly believe that in an odd way, all of my life, or anyones life, is in their hands. We are the creator, the experiencer and observer. At any moment, at any given time, we create and at the same time, we do not. The high standards are just happiness, maintaining it and always choosing the things in life that are going to help the feeling of that happiness grow. It is an ever changing landscape, but at the same time, there is a foundation to it all that when realized, cultured and "watered", will ground you in a clarity that enables to to enjoy eery second, of every moment with any individual, soul or object.
DOGWALKER: Thank you for the homework miss. It was a pleasure to think about these things. I really mean that! It has been a while since I have reflected on some of these topics or rather had to put them into words which definitely can help with processing and growing. So, THANK YOU! Let me know if you have any questions or comments darlin. See you soon I am sure. Lets grab dinner and or a coffee soon. Cheers! -- HMDW
I finally admitted HMDW that I have been writing about him secretly to over 1,000 people. I wrote a really in-depth analysis asked him if he wanted to read my analysis... He said "I would love to actually..." I'm curious how y'all will think he'll react..... Here goes nothing!
Dearest HMDW (name replaced to protect the innocent),
So I’m writing to you because I have a confession to make. I have been writing about you, secretly, to a private Facebook audience of about one thousand people for the past three months. Your suspicions were correct! I am so sorry I didn’t tell you when you asked, a few months ago, but I wasn’t ready for you to find out because I didn’t want to influence your behaviors.
You have been under the pseudonym “Hottie McDogwalker! My audience LOVES you and this story I’ve been writing about our interactions, amongst the other interactions I’ve had on my Ikea dates.
They’re chomping at the bit for every entry that I write, begging me to write a book, saying this is going to turn into a movie, and all I am doing is just documenting things that happen, strategies that I’ve put into play, and how I feel about everything.
Yes, you have been an experiment, in a way, and a very fun one. Yes this is why I have been trying to go on dates with you, in addition to just wanting to get to know you better.
Whether our connection as friends is of the romantic sense, I don’t really know yet, because we haven’t really spent enough time together to know? I can say this with certainty, I am attracted to you, I definitely feel connected to you, and am very happy that you came into my life.
I’m not exactly sure what is going on your side of things. You’ve had a girlfriend most of this time I’ve known you, and I have this belief if a guy is really into a girl, he’ll make a move. You haven’t really even hinted at one, so I’m sort of thinking that you think of me as just a friend. It’s hard to say since you’ve been tied up with someone else.
I also think that I’m probably not the typical girl you’ve dated, (short, curvy, really excitable, totally quirky) and part of the experiment was seeing if I could get your attention. I am single for the first time in 4 years, and some of this is can I set my eyes on something and make it happen: A lesson in manifestation and self-worth.
In my state of celibacy, recovery and life changes, being around you is inspiring me to write more ---and learn more about myself. I’ve also learned some things about you that might not work for me, but I’ve learned a lot of things about what I want in a partner.
Anyway, I’m telling you this now because I think you would get a kick out of hearing that you have been the center of my writing adventures. Will you ever get to see it? Maybe at some point, don’t really know if I’m ready to share quite yet…
When I moved in here, I used to see you often in the elevator and in the halls. You have this sort of distinct swagger about you. You embody this sort of “zen” energy that I feel is really calming and wonderful to be around. That was actually what peaked my interest initially.
You are obviously very good looking, but honestly I will say that is probably the thing I like least about you. If anything your good looks are a bit of a hindrance for me. It’s sort of novelty that you are handsome, but I just want you to know some things that I’ve seen in you that are noteworthy well beyond your looks.
Here’s what I learned to like about you so far:
1. Working with you in dog training has been amazing, and I have really seen you shine through your life’s purpose. You are totally part k-9! Your down to earth vibes and calm demeanor just makes you pleasure to work with and it’s so clear how connected with the animals you are. You are also incredibly professional. It’s quite amazing to see actually. Picasso is becoming a well-rounded dog being a part of your program, and I’m becoming a well-rounded human because of your influence in that part of my life.
2. You have a way of making people feel important. Your attention seems to focus into seeing, encouraging and supporting people wherever they are at. It’s a really lovely quality and something that I hope you don’t ever change or lose. I feel like when we talk sometimes that you see me, the way I see myself and that is a wonderful thing! To be seen and heard. To me that is the definition of “love” – and you really do embody this. You are walking definition “love.” It seems like you genuinely love people, and they genuinely love you. That’s why women fall all over you, and you have such strong friendships. You’re a genuinely nice person. I totally try to live my life this way, and it’s nice to see someone who does the same thing.
3. You have a part of you that’s a Pandora’s box -- a lone wolf, (secrecy is a big Scorpio trait) a part of you that is super compelling to try to figure out, but also something that it’s nice that you keep just for yourself. It’s the part of you that is the hardest to get to, and the girl you end up with will likely have cracked that code, and you’ll be in, and they’ll be in, without reservations. How wonderful for you to be deeply connected to others, but have a sense of self that is just for you.
4. Your level of maturity and responsibility and passion for what you do is really sexy. You have a tendency to do good things and do them well. Learning how to create a job for yourself where you employ your friends is commendable. I see you entrepreneurial spirit and your big thinking, and your passion and I think – Yep, I want to be with someone who has that!
5. You seem to be genuinely happy most of the time. Except for when you are working too much and not taking care of yourself. I adore that you don’t talk negatively about anyone, and you are always looking at positives. I think you are one of the least judgmental people I’ve ever met.
6. You’re multi-passionate, with appreciation for good design, family, art, and nature. Your rustic, nature influenced, down-home aesthetic, appreciation and love for your family, your fashion sense, your art, your love of nature…. I bet you listen to country music and you don’t even feel the slightest bit ashamed of it.
7. You aren’t afraid to be exactly who you are. Enough said.
8. You are a big thinker and a deep thinker – I have such a hard time finding people to connect with me on the deep levels of conversation. Even the guy I almost married could not do these things. You seem to be okay with expressing feelings, emotions and experiences in a totally transparent way. You know you could do anything you put your mind to, and in this way I feel like you and I are totally kindred spirits! This thing alone makes me want to be around you all the time.
9. You always take my suggestions and put them into action – I love this so much. I give you suggestions on things and you listen and it makes me feel like you respect and admire me, and think that I have great ideas, and for that I think you are really smart!
Some things that might NOT work for me or other women:
1. You might be too good looking. I have seen women drool all over you, and be crazy territorial over you. I have heard the stories from you of the women with the insecurities. If I was in your shoes, I’d be like a kid in a candy store, and having as much candy as possible. So I don’t blame you at all, with the millions of sex requests you get on an annual basis. Haha! You are a guy, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I would say for the vast majority of women that might be tough. It makes sense why you have gone for model types, so the drooling over them by others would be more of an equal playing ground?
2. You might be poly or okay with cheating? So did you have sex with the girl who lives on our floor, while you had a girlfriend? Or were you in an open relationship? I’m very curious about this.
3. You might hurt people, and not mean to. Women fall all over you, and you love having friends. Women cross that line with you often, with hopes of more, and you enjoy the attention, but sometimes you just wish they could be friends and that’s it. So they might get a bit upset about that. (This is all purely speculation, not personal experience)
4. You might not be ready for something serious - You just got out of a 8 month relationship, but it seems like you have this pattern of dating women who have similar insecurity issues or won’t be on the same page as you when you are all in. Even more than this, you said the one you almost got engaged to, was the only one that you never wanted to look at anyone else. I think that you’ll be ready when you can take on a certain amount of real vulnerability. You can find someone who makes mistakes with you, and you want to work through them with that person, instead of without much deliberation. (I am actually guilty of this too for having SUPER high standards)
Now keep in mind here, I don’t really “know” you that well. Some of these things are observations and maybe some are assumptions and I’m sure there are a million levels to you, faults included, that I don’t know. But this is what I have observed over my last 3 months of knowing you. I would love to hear what is true or not true here, to you. I hope that you learned something about yourself through this, on how an outside perspective views you! I know I learned a TON about what I want in a partner.
In any case, I have really enjoyed the influence you have had on my life. No matter what, I absolutely adore being your friend more than anything. But after you get through some alone time and recovering from your last relationship. I hope that we can actually go on a real date. (I need more to write about!) And I think we have some things to learn from each other.
Omg. Omg. Omg. Omg. You're going to LOVE this!
Today I had breakfast with HMDW. But before I jump into that epic breakfast experience, let me rewind a bit.
I ran into him outside late last night in front of the building "Thinkin' and drinkin'" in his spot by the bike racks. It's so funny, I'll be walking my dog and BAM, I find him by himself, sitting against the building in a nook and he does this often, and every time it's a lovely surprise.
We started to get into a pretty good conversation about his break up even though we had morning plans to have breakfast and talk the next day.... He mentioned something about how the relationship ended was from some of the same issues that had come up from relationships before. We talked about "fear of intimacy" and being a "common denominator" as this pattern has now happened a few times.
It set a great way to segway right into deep stuff at breakfast. I am so elated about the conversation, I start to think about "Do I want to go on a real date with this guy?" and if so... I might need to work up the courage to ask him. I mean, yes we have breakfast plans, but is that a date? or is it a friend thing? Most likely a friend thing, with flirtatious undertones. We're sizing each other up to see if want to go on a real date.
As I'm going to bed, I again think, I want some sort of answer... I had great luck with the tarot cards last time, so why not give those a whorl again. The question to the sky was "Should I ask this guy on a date?"
The card I got "Awakening"
The definition says "Look at things from a different perspective. A temporary standstill. It's important to be yourself."
"It's time to review your plans, and look at things from a new perspective. Ask yourself: Is it possible that a different approach will work better? Although it may feel like events have come to a standstill, this is temporary. So make use of the extra time you have been given to rethink your strategies.
You may need to step outside the norm and mainstream right now and embrace your unique and eclectic beliefs and attitudes. It's also a good moment to be generous with your time, attention and gifts.
Additional meanings of the card: Epiphanies. Selflessness. Unexpected life changes. The power that lies in being oneself. Unusual solutions.
Archangel Gabriel is the angel who helps people become the Devine messengers of love. When you speak, think, and act, come from a place of love, others are irresistibly drawn to you."
Well holy fricking geeze balls, that totally answered my question. See here where this card is totally resonating with me, is that I have been afraid to ask him out on a real date....for a number of reasons. Well, first it hasn't been appropriate till now, our relationship has been nothing but a good friendship since he's had a girlfriend. Second, I have a personal issue with girls asking guys out on dates.
I find women asking men out to be sort of desperate feeling. I have read "The Rules" -- My bigger issue (and I explained this to him at breakfast is this.)
"You know how men absolutely rather stick a hot poker in their eye, than hurt a girl? Well... I wouldn't want a guy to say yes to a date with me, out of fear that they would hurt my feelings if they said "no."
After reading that card, I made the decision, I need to ask him out. I need to find out if this is even a possibility. The idea of "Do you want to go on a date with me..." feels SOOOOO yucky. Like asking someone to prom, or something.
So I had the epiphany, thought exactly about how I wanted things to go. I was going to go into the date, being my most honest truthful and selfless self, by listening to what is happening with him and asking him some amazing questions that are going to give me insight to his experiences, and character, and based on the vibe of what is happening, I will then take the plunge and ask him on a date.
I woke up 2 hours early at 6am to take a shower so that my hair wouldn't be wet for the date. I went back to bed and woke up with good curls.
I wore the below outfit, for our 8am date. I felt good. Ready to conquer this fear I have of asking someone out, but mostly just to spend some quality time with him. Now here's the great thing that I have realized about him, and probably the thing I like about him the most. Is he's a really good listener, he's super smart, and inquisitive and insightful. I feel very comfortable telling him anything and I feel like he does the same for me.
Breakfast was amazing. The conversation flowed beautifully and I found out all the ways that his other relationships had fallen apart. I also found out his point of view on women asking men out.
He said in maybe a few more words "When a woman asks a guy out (like the last two girls he dated) it shows a certain level of confidence and assurance in herself that is a huge turn on.." Ok green light here for later in the breakfast for me to grow some balls and ask him out.
But then he goes on to explain that these two girls were approaching him for sex! And we both discovered through talking this out, while it seemed that it was just a sex thing, that the girls were indeed trying to get into a relationship through sex first....and we both decided that's an assbackwards way of going about it.
So he was explaining if the intentions were proper instead of for sex, he would think that is way better. (I can't say I didn't for a moment in the past 3 months of celibacy, hadn't thought of that exact same thing with him...he is hot, and he lives on the same floor, and that can be a very easy to get close to someone quickly.)
But me being my 34 year old self, knows WAY better than to start things off with sex. That to me is like having dessert before appetizers. It can ruin a meal.
We then get into his other relationships failed because of their insecurities. And how it's an instant turn off to him.... or not being on the same page.
After an hour and ten minutes of lovely ever flowing conversation, where we were sharing and relating, I told him some things I had witnessed about his behavior that I could tell that he felt so understood, that it was sort of blowing his mind to been seen and heard, from just the small time that I have known him.
So as he was taking our dishes to the bussing bucket, I had the courage to finally ask him out. I said "I don't know when you'll be ready for this, given your recent breakup and all, but I was wondering if you would be interested in building some Ikea furniture with me?"
And we both giggled for a few minutes because we both know what that means.
He said "I would love to build some furniture for you, that sounds fun." and then I said "Don't worry I won't blog about it."
And he said "But I want you to!"
On the day I went to the polish festival, I sent a message to Hottie McDogwalker, (who LOVES to hear the details of my dating life) that said, "Today was supposed to be the day I got married at the Polish Festival, please think good thoughts for me today, I will need them!"
He responds with "I was riding a horse when I got this message and def thoughts about you at the Polish festival today. You were with your man. Your lil' man -- Picasso!!! wink emoticon See you in the morning."
A few days later, I dropped a coupon off for a 60 minute massage for $40 from my favorite massage therapist and he was SO excited. He went and got his first massage in 10 years. (Yay! I'm bringing self care things into his life, and notice it's a coupon and I didn't buy it -- thoughtful but not over the top.)
We run into each other often, and If I tell him to go try a certain type of skewer at the grocery store, he'll go buy it. He does the same, so I do the same... Basically if I tell him to do something he does it, and we talk about it later and how rad it is. We literally run into each other 6x a week b/c of dog walking and an additional 5x a week organically. I see him a lot., and we talk a ton.
Fastforward to last night,
So, I went on a date with a guy from Tinder last night, we'll call him Blondie McNonProfit, it went great... so happy to be out of the house, great conversation. Then at the very end of the night we kissed, and there were no sparks. Dammit! If there were sparks, I would consider, but unforch, not the sitch!! (I feel like talking like a valley girl right now.)
On my way out of the house on the short hiatus between one date with this guy to our part 2 date, I ran into Hottie McDogwalker (HMDM), who I see ALL the time because the universe is constantly putting him in my path.
So then as I'm walking out, looking sassy in my boots and dress, he's like "Where are you going?!" and I say "I'm going on a date!!!" ----- he screeches to a halt and says... "OH???? Who ? what? Are you going to make this guy put together furniture?!?! "
So we talk about how this is date part two and he's very interested, hanging off my every word, totally excited for me.
He then says "Well you look really pretty."
My first internal dialogue is like "No you look pretty." hahahahaha.
First time he's ever said anything of the sort. egads, so lovely to be complimented by this fine specimen of a man...
"Thank you!" Big smile...
We chat again for 10 more minutes, I'm late to meet Blondie McNonProfit at the concert cause "I had to talk to my neighbor." OMG. I am terrible.
So, date kiss falls flat. I go home and I have to Picasso out for a potty break, and it's like 1am, and I think to myself, I so wish I would run into HMDW, and sure enough in front of the building he's hanging out with his very handsome guy friends. PIcasso is pulling me towards him at full doggy speed, because they're good friends, and he's like "How was the date?!" And I proceeded to say how fun it was but no sparks...and we talked about levels of maturity.
He starts to talk about the kind of person he could see ME with, someone who has their act together, etc... And how I need to meet them organically not online, etc.
Now I think of HMDM, as like a seriously mature guy, for being 29 he's got a thriving business, and is very professional and direct, he's so handsome he's never had to do online dating, women just throw themselves at him. He's got a very sexy authoritative part of him because of having to have this sort of leader of the pack thing with dogs. It's also what makes him so handsome, in addition to being pretty calm and zen, and cool and just genuinely sweet.
Then he mentions, that his girlfriend and him just broke up this week!!!!!(Internally, I'm doing a little happy dance.) Then, I remember that there was some girl who was coming out of his apartment a week or so ago, that I was CONVINCED that was not his girlfriend but his sister because "There is no WAY that could be his girlfriend" --- She was so plain, and quite honestly her energy was all sorts of not good.
I imagined he'd be with a super model, with someone who was just drop dead gorgeous with a sassy personality and super stylish. This girl looked like an angry mouse.
I ask if that was her? He confirms it...
His friend chimes in, "Yea dude she was really plain, and she also had RBF really bad."
"What's that?" we asked.
"Resting bitch face" we died laughing.
Apparently HMDW loves, plain natural looking women, and he confirmed this.
I get into bed and have a tarot card deck on my phone, and I never use this, but I decided to have the app pull a card about this situation, and the one and only card I pull is....... wait for it.........
*heart emoticon* Swoon.
T-minus 1 hours to Sweedeedee brunch with Hottie McDogwalker... I'm going to try to take secret pictures. Portland friends, it would be funny if you just so happened to stop by and make me look exceptionally loved and popular, and of course you can check him out. hahahahaha! Just kidding... I need to concentrate. #realiferealitytelevisionshow
Hottie McDogWalker Update Part 3:
Shit is getting good!
Me: Hello kind sir, I have a 1.5 hour massage booked for tomorrow at 9am, is it possible for me to drop Picasso off at 8:40am on my way out?
Him: Yes ma'am! I am a supporter of getting massages. :)
Me: Sweet! I'm practicing celibacy at the moment, so it's like a coping method...Just like when I lived in Tokyo.
(5 minutes later)
Me: Omg I just realized that sounded like I was going to a place with a happy ending. LMAO... What I meant to say is it's how I am coping with the lack of touch, cause in Tokyo there was no touching in the culture. Not even hugs!
Him (2 hours later) : Your comment did sound a little on the happy ending side, but I understood.
Him: CELIBACY IS AWESOME!!!! Did that for a year straight. Got lots done, grew a lot, learned a lot about myself to say the least. Keep on it!
Me: Hahaha! Thanks for sharing and relating. I feel like all the built up chi from no drinking and no lovers will help me with empire building. You can just call me the millionaire monk.
Him: It will big time... PS. I was just going over your contract info. Made me laugh out loud. :)
(I had put funny jokes throughout the entire contract... like where it said "marital status" I said --- Happily single (future ex wife of James franco))
Me: Awe! you think I'm funny. Thank you! Well when I get my stand up routine together, with all my jokes about me making guys put together ikea furniture for me, and installing stripper poles, you'll have to come watch me perform. haha! PS. I might be celibate, but the dating social experiments have only just begun.
Him: I would go to your standup show for sure!!! Dating experiments eh? You will have to clue me in on those and what you find. :) Ps. I'm in apartment ###
After he took Picasso we chatted for 15 minutes.
I asked him if instead of getting coffee on Friday if he wanted to do brunch at my favorite breakfast place instead. He said, That would be perfect, cause it's also his favorite breakfast place.
I was telling him about my love of the trout board, and then a different place with a trout board came up a few minutes later as we were talking about restaurants in the area.
He said, "Sounds like trout is your fish. It's a beautiful fish." He then looked me up and down. (I'm not kidding!)
Then I told him about sparkling coffee at my other favorite coffee place, which is like the MOST amazing thing ever.... he seemed very excited about hearing about this type of concoction . I said, well when I discovered it "Why doesn't everyone have this?" And the coffee people told me that they invented it.
He then said "Well I'm going to go have some right now, and learn how to make it."
"If you do, I will probably buy it all from you!" I exclaimed.
"Sounds like a plan, Miss." he replied.
HOLY SHIT NOW I NEED TO PUT TOGETHER A COMEDY ROUTINE ASAP!!!
Coffee plans turned into future brunch plans. Now I feel like I'm really winning!
We've been sort of texting...
I text him the picture of Picasso with the blanket on his head and said "He's getting really good at staying in his bed, if I tuck him in."
"Ha! Anyone would enjoy that, and want to stay. :) Hope you have a great weekend, Miss!" He replies.
"Haha! You too. Are you doing anything fun?" I ask.
The next day he finally replies, "I ate my weight in pizza, hung out with the fam that is town and got into bed early 'Twas mellow." :)
"Sounds fun! I went and hung out with friends I haven't seen in a decade. My head hurts! CHOPSTIX revenge!!!!" I replied.....(my last night of drinking, before I quit for good.)
"Chopstix revenge? What does that mean Miss? :) He says,
As for tomorrow I wanted to see if I was still on to pick up Picasso to start doggie day camp tomorrow. If you have any questions don't hesitate to hollar, hope you have had a great weekend so far."
"Chopstix is a karaoke bar on Burnside that pours very heavy drinks. I think I might be swearing off alcohol for good. I can't stand being foggy and it's not helping me make my first million. Yes we're on for doggy day camp. So excited that it starts tomorrow!" I say.
"Awesome! We're heading out at 9am tomorrow if that's cool. I am in the same alcohol boat as you. Foggy = no millies. :)"
"Yep that works perfectly for me. I decided that every time I feel the urge to drink I'm going to try to take a ballet or pole class. I want to get in the best shape of my life. Become a champion pole / ballet / multimedia artist. Make a million dollars. Meet my entrepreneurial soul mate. Travel the world. Write a book. Do a Ted Talk. Die at the age of 93 while cliff jumping in Fiji." I reply.
"Ha! 93 why not longer? I like the idea of replacing drinking with something different like a class. I feel like that would work for sure. James Franco and you would be a good fit. That guy does everything under the sun!" He replies.
An hour later
"Hey miss I'm coming to grab Picasso. See you shortly!"
"Haha! I'll be there in a sec. I'm just getting home" I replied.
(it's 8:30 am, I KNEW he was thinking that I am coming home from a dude's house)
A few minutes later.
I say, "Ok I'm here. Come by anytime."
The door knocks at 9am on the dot, and I took off my long sleeve t-shirt prior to answering the door because I'm wearing a very cute lace tank top underneath.
He leans up on the door and looks me up and down and says with a sly smirk? "So how was your night last night!?" hahahaha.
I say 'Ummm it was great, but I'm not doing the walk of shame if that's what you are referring to. I had an appointment this morning."
We both giggled.
I ask him how his family time has been since his parents are in town, and we talk about having divorced parents, and how awesome it is to have parents that didn't fight but instead team parented.
He'll be back at noon to drop Picasso off.
About 10 mins after he leaves, I send a final text in response to his James Franco one
"Yes in regards to the drinking thing, it seems to be the only thing holding me back from being my best self. In regards to Mr. Franco, I think he's into much younger ladies (he just got sexting a 17 y/o YIKES!) but I will take introductions to his Doppleganger. Actually I'm more of a Jason Schwartzman type of girl. Funny / nerdy / smarty pants. I don't really care much for pretty men. They're a dime a dozen and sometimes they lack things because life is too easy. Hope you and Pablo Picasso have fun today!! "
Hahahaha! I just negged him. Gotta knock em down before you build em up. LMAO!!!!
Oh man, I have the BIGGEST crush on ever on my dog trainer. He lives on my floor, and I run into him daily. He's I kid you not, in the top five hottest guys I've ever seen in my life -- 1. Ryan Gosling 2. Jason Schwartzman 3. This guy.
He's one of those guys that is not only an entrepreneur (which is an absolute must for me) he's owns doggie outdoor day camp, but he's a wonderfully talented dog trainer. He's also an artist, and rides a motorcycle. Girls swoon and fall out of their chairs when they meet him. I found a blog he used to write and he's super in touch with his feelings, in a totally non-girly kind of way.
Well anyway, I've been trying to woo him with my personality. You see with a guy this handsome, pretty girls flaunt themselves at him constantly. In fact, it's been suspected that one girl on my floor has been doing that exact thing. I met her while walking my dog, told her I was considering dog lessons with this guy and she was like "OH, I hang out with him ALL the time."
Go on, try to claim your territory... A little challenge never bothers me.
So the challenge is, how can I win him with my witty banter, my intellect, and my complete zest for life?! This girl is very pretty.
Email him for dog training and give him some sort of totally weird but true compliment
" Hey, I know this is kind of a strange things to say, but you seem to be definition of zen, what is your secret?" I said. He of course is amused at this comment, Come to find out he lived in India for a year and used to meditate up to 14 hours a day in an ashram.
Now I like him even more. Dammit!
When I run into him, casually mention that I just came back from the funnest dates ever
(which was true) and he leans in and wants to know all about it. This could put me in the friend zone, OR it could allow him to visualize what a fun lady I am. Living my life, and not secretly wishing that it was he and I that were on the date!
Mention my Ikea dating experiences.
He cracks up laughing hysterically. I say, "Why date for reals, when everything is SO MUCH MORE FUN as a social experiment!?" He agrees. This is setting up the impression to him that I am not desperately seeking a boyfriend but having fun AND getting shit off my to-do list.
Never give him oogly eyes...
Don't touch your hair.. Always be the first to walk away from a conversation. Leaving him wanting more.
Hire him to be my dog trainer.
Now I desperately need dog training, so this is no rouse. Picasso has been acting aggressive upon meeting new dogs, and I have almost PTSD syndrome from a horrible experience I had with a previous aggressive dog. This has allowed me to get some amazing one-on-one time with him...and get something off my to-do list AND he also gets to see me vulnerable.... then overcome major challenges. This is bonding.
The most hilarious thing I said during our first training session... "I will do whatever you tell me to do." The look on his face was seriously priceless. Like he couldn't believe I had just said that. Showing him respect and also making his mind wander! Mmhhmm totally planned.
Take the additional free 30 minutes of training, no charge.
We meet a second time, he gives me another 30 minutes for free. I ask him how much I owe him and he said -- Nothing. I say "You need to get paid!" He's like "I'm terrible with this stuff."
Slip a check under the door for $100, for 30 minutes training in the subject line.
With a note that says, "You should really be charging $200 an hour because that is what I charge, and I feel that you are worth that, and I want you to get used to being paid that much." With some other tips on how to increase pricing in his business without pissing off his current customers.
His Text Response via Getting My Note and Check:
"Just read your note Miss, Super sweet of you, definitely hits home. your words will not be taken lightly." Hope you have a great day.
His Email Response 8 hours later:
"I just have to say that I love your energy and outtake on life miss. It is not surprising to me AT ALL that you are having the success that you are with your business. You seem to be going with the flow of your life, unbounded and free and along the way helping people do that same. Congrats to you and I look forward to meeting with you and seeing your growth in the future miss!
A big cheers to you darlin!"
Now, I have no idea if anything is going to happen with this guy, but he SURE makes going to the elevator a little bit more exciting..... and a girl can dream right!?
Here is my attempt to a new pole dancing move, where I failed until i got up and tried again!